"Are you driving?" The was the first question I was asked after my most recent visual field test. I informed her that by my own choice, I was not. That for a while I was not driving at night but only recently had I stopped driving altogether.
"Good," she responded. "Because legally you can't." You need a field of vision of at least 70 degrees, I was around 65.
You may say, "I'm sorry, that's terrible news." I say, "God sees me as so important that he's going to have me chauffeured around instead." Here are some other positives:
-I get to spend more time with my wife (since she's driving me)
-No more paying to get my license renewed
-Save money on insurance (only have 1 car instead of 2 now!)
-I get to experience community when friends/family offer their services
While there are definite benefits to not driving, it can certainly be embarrassing when I'm sitting outside of school waiting for my wife to pick me up alongside other students waiting for their mommy to pick them up. But obviously it is frustrating for me to not be able to drive myself, but even more so I'm frustrated for my wife. She always has to tote my butt around town which takes more time out of her day, especially since it involves packing up our child every time. On top of that she's always driving kids around. It would be much easier if I could share the driving responsibilities, since some of our kids in our church need rides to hang out or attend bible study, etc. Ultimately I realized how much my wife stands by my side and how much she sacrifices to be my one and only when she missed our son's first Halloween because she spent the entire night picking up and dropping kids off for our youth Halloween party.
But again, life isn't about me. With this adjustment in life would there be a way to bring God glory? Initially, when Mary and I decided we no longer needed 2 cars, we decided we would sell the car or trade both our vehicles in for a newer car--and that makes most sense; put ourselves in a more "secure" situation. But the more we thought about it, the more we were convicted. God had provided for us in every step of our marriage. What did we have to gain when everything's already provided for? We didn't need a newer van or extra money from selling the car. But there are people out there who need a car. So... we gave it to someone who needed it. I've been forever grateful God gave us the opportunity to do that as I learn more and more what it means to "lose myself."
Driving isn't my only loss of independence. I am daily annoyed by small things like trying to find the screw that fell on the floor. I drop a screw and I get so mad because I'll spend 10 minutes looking for it and Mary comes into the room and finds it in 10 seconds. I'm nervous when carrying Isaiah--eventually door frames exit my field of vision and my fear of bumping Isaiah's head on the frame causes me to walk around the house much slower than I normally would. Running into 3 people at Sam's Club because it was so crowded. Or wandering aimlessly at night at the baseball field! The other night one of our coaches took the team outside at night for some extra conditioning... after a few minutes I went out trying to find them until a player ran to me and grabbed my arm to lead me to them! Whatever the case, I have to learn to not be ashamed. In light of losing some independence, this is the motto I have adopted:
"If you do not stand firm in faith, you shall not stand at all."--Isaiah 7:9b
