It's the small things that annoy me

I read this from another blog published by Mark Dunning and it correlates well with a conversation I was having with someone earlier today:

"Many with Usher do just that after they are first diagnosed. They deal with the emotions on their own. They get back on their feet and get on with their lives. The problem is that Usher is a degenerative disease. You don’t just get it and get over it. You are constantly dealing with loss. You can drive then you can’t. You don’t need a cane then you do. You can do your job then you can’t. You can read a book without magnification then you can’t. It’s just one thing after another. Sure you get over one thing and move on, but then there’s another issue lurking on the horizon. It is exhausting."

When people ask how I'm coping, I usually tell them that the most difficult thing to grasp is not knowing how quickly my vision will deteriorate.  I've adjusted well... but what and when is the next thing to go?  I had some teens over at my house tonight to play ball, eat pizza, and hang out by a fire and one teen's dad tagged along.  I watched the two play basketball together in my driveway and reminisced the days my dad and I would go to the park to play ball together.  Those were some of my fondest times spent with him and as I watched this father-son play I thought to myself if I'll be able to do that with Isaiah.  It was frustrating already trying to play ball with them (especially as the sun was going down, giving me less light!).  My moments I'll have with my son (and future kids) have been in the forefront of my mind these past few weeks.  Lately it's been difficult to coordinate rides for people to come to my house or for me to get somewhere and it's made me realize more and more that if I ever want "father-son" time I'll have to depend on someone else to get us where we need to go--how frustrating!  So I've really been thinking ways around it and I've got a solution: buy a golf cart!  We have a bike path nearby that leads to a lake and I see dads taking their kids in golf carts to go fishing or just hang out at the park.  I don't know much about fishing, but for the time being, I know I could drive a golf cart on a one-lane bike path and no cross-traffic--so if that's how I can get father-son time, then that's what I'll do.  So here's to saving money for a golf cart, getting one of my students to teach me fishing, and to hoping my vision stays well enough to drive a golf cart when Isaiah's old enough/ready to go!

Despite my fears about the future, it's really the small things that annoy me.  I discover more and more how hard it is for me to find stuff!  I've always been organized, but I feel I have to be OCD so as to not lose stuff.  A month or so ago I was working on a patio in my backyard and was marking pavers with a permanent marker... I literally threw a cussing fit because I could not find (on multiple occasions) where I set down the marker.  With a narrow scope of vision, I have to scan and scan and scan and to matters work, dark colors blend in together.... so a black permanent marker blends in with the mulch so I miss it.  Or dropping a screw--Mary has had to tell me to leave the room to calm down because I get so mad that I can't find one screw after searching for 5 minutes (and she finds it in 5 seconds).  Or that I can't soothe Isaiah in the middle of the night because I can't see anything without turning his lights on (well... I guess this one I can't complain about too much).  These "small" things occur often and every time I get mad that simple tasks become difficult tasks for me.  I have several home projects lined up this summer and I'm already brainstorming how I'm going to stay organized through the projects so I don't frustrate myself (after EVERY time I use the screw driver, I will place it in one designated spot so I always know where it is).  The big things (like the paragraph above) I'm at peace with.  The small things, however, I'm annoyed with!