Last summer my brother's brother-in-law biked across America as a fundraiser for Alzheimer. Needless to say, I was impressed and a bit jealous. I loved the idea of biking across America (and for a good cause at that), and so it got me thinking about how biking could be a useful hobby for myself. Luckily, my good friend Clint Conrad loaned me his mountain bike. Biking became a helpful substitute to playing basketball (it is incredibly exhausting and disappointing trying to play basketball now and I only play with my family who understands my condition!).
What began as a fun hobby turned into a new way to lighten Mary's burden. Nothing taught me selfless love (aside from Christ's death) like Mary's constant sacrifices to allow me to continue my ambitions and live my life. It was time to return the favor. Before long my parents bought me a trailer to hitch to the back of the bike. Not only did I start taking Zae to the park on my own (Mary gets a break AND she doesn't have to drive us!) but I also started grocery shopping. I'm not sure how much my grocery shopping "helped" Mary--I think she felt just as stressed with my repeated phone calls asking where certain items in the store were. Do you know how much longer it takes to find items on the shelf with tunnel vision? Not to mention how slowly I walk through the aisles constantly scanning for other shoppers to not run into.
Over the last couple months, I've taken this a step further. I have begun biking home from work so Mary does not have to drive across town to get me (and sometimes wait for me to finish up my work). Confused, many have asked, "How are you able to bike home?" They ask knowing I cannot drive home so they don't understand the difference. Remember, I can still see in front of me! I could drive straight and I can bike straight, always seeing what is ahead. The difference is the traffic. Driving involves cross traffic, multiple lanes, etc. When I bike home from work it is 90% through neighborhoods and the park. Did I almost run into an elderly couple taking a walk? Yes, but at the same time they knew I was coming as they have to have heard my pep talk I was shouting to myself: "Come on Jeff! You got this! You can do it! Don't quit pansy. It's not too cold! Keep going! Come on!" (it was 40 degrees and had just started raining and I was almost home--at the last second I saw them! I was embarrassed, haha). But I am blessed to ride my bike because for 6 1/2 miles and 35 minutes I have relived the days of living in silence, strengthening my prayer life, and drawn closer to God in worship.
There are days where I bike in complete silence, not thinking about anything. As the verse in Psalm goes, "Be still and know that I am God." Biking through the park has allowed for intense silence that results in adoration for my Creator. Having that solitude where I am forced to be without distraction has also pushed me toward more intentional prayer. Sometimes I pray about multiple things and other times I have prayed for one thing almost the entire bike ride. On other days I listen to worship music from my new smartphone and stream it to my blue tooth connected to my hearing aids. This may not seem like a big deal, but it's been a long time since I've just listened to music and having this chance to drown myself in praise for God reminds me of how I define myself as a child of God in constant pursuit of His Holiness. I had forgotten the words to many worship songs and listening to them again has brought my "heart's desire" to a new element that was missing from just my bible reading... Lastly, this has all prepared me to be in the right mindset when I walk into my house of chaos with the kids, dogs, night class, dinner preparations, etc
But at the same time, this has taught me something else about selfless love for my wife. My biking turned into ways to help ease Mary's burden, and to a large extent I think I have. But it has also enlightened me about the importance of having silence and solitude (not just bible time--but time away from kids, away from dogs, away from whatever)... not too long ago it dawned on me that I was reaping all these benefits of my solitude time biking home, but in seeing the benefits for me, I had not bothered to find ways for Mary to have that. So here's what having Usher Syndrome has boiled down to: It has made me the recipient of extreme sacrificial and selfless love and in turn, has forced me to find ways to return that extreme sacrificial and selfless love. .
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