House Search

"My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor your ways my ways," says the Lord.  "Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, my thoughts are higher than your thoughts and my ways than your ways.  For as rain and snow fall from the heavens and do not return their until they have watered there earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and food to the eater, so shall my word be that goes from my mouth.  It shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I have purpose and succeed that in which I have sent it."--Isaiah 55:10-12

That passage has been particularly important to my wife and myself these past few weeks.  Many blind choose to live in the city for public transportation, but that's not where I am, so transportation can be an issue.  A few months ago we put our house on the market in hopes to buy a house right behind the park where rec leagues play (and it's walking distance to the high school baseball field).  We were never interested in moving out of our current house but when this house went up for sale we sought out God's direction (the owner was Mary's long term sub during her maternity leave last year).  The location couldn't be any better.  It's a bike ride distance to Kroger so no more being left at home with no milk.  The backyard backs right into left field of one of the little league fields so I can take Isaiah to his ball games (assuming he will play) and to the park by myself.  As long as I coach, I can walk to and from the high school field.  Bottom line: I can be more independent and Mary can carry less of a burden (and others who drive me places). 

The house itself is also convenient for me.  With the exception of the front foyer, the house is lit up well with giant windows in the back of the house and the lighter the better.  In addition to that, it is very open and spacious, so manuevering through the house would be much easier (especially as the vision deterioates).  It could easily be usher proofed! 

Sadly, I feel like our chances of getting that house are less and less by the day.  A lot of things happened, but in a nutshell the recent buyers of our home backed out and we are back to square one.  When I heard this, I felt almost like I did when we found out Mary miscarried.  The same question I asked then, I asked yesterday: "Why would you (God) take us this far just to pull the rug out from under us?"  And then my selfish desires come out:

1) "I have to live with this condition, so I should at least be allowed to have this."
2) "We gave our car away, getting this house as a reward would be nice."
3) "Think of how much more we could serve you with this house."
4) "Don't you want me to have easy ways to spend quality time with just me and Zae?"
5) "Everybody else wants us to have this house."

But then I quote Isaiah 55 (above) and am brought back to the humble state I should be in.  Time and time again God has shown me how his thoughts and ways are higher than mine.  But it's frustrating not knowing what His thoughts and ways are!  But I will trust in his divine providence that he will provide in whatever way He chooses.... 

Oh, and by the way... there's a great app that can help you understand what I see.  Download "visionsim" on your i-phone/i-pad and find the eye disease called "Retinitis Pigmentosa."  That will bring up all the characteristics of my condition but you can also launch the simulator where you can play with the scroll bar and the tunnel will get bigger/smaller (and other things).  It's been neat being in a room and showing Mary what I see!  So you can play around with that (in a standard room with good lighting, scroll about 40% across the bottom and that's me).  It's a neat app!